Not second in my heart...
Dear Elyssa,

You didn’t make me a mother. You were my second child. Not in my heart, but one did come before you.

With you, it was different. There was no elaborate shower.  I didn’t take many photos, didn’t spend every waking moment reading. My mind was busier; worried about your health. My body more tired because I was caring for your big sister.

And then, before I knew what happened (because time passes so much quicker the second time around), you were here.  And in an instant, that was it. I was yours. A mom of two beautiful little girls. We were a family of four. 

The worries eventually lessened, though apparently still present. My thoughts drifted often. They questioned if I was managing my time, energy and love equally enough. You having some additional needs was new to us all. The time spent at appointments or in the hospital away from home were difficult to endure. Though, I’m sure it was most difficult for you.

But, Oh Elyssa, my sweet girl, the lessons you’ve helped me learn.

You’ve taught me that kids truly are resilient, and that my love covers the gap for you or your big sister when i’m not there.

You’ve taught me to slow down, chill and roll with the punches.

You’ve taught me how absolutely strong I can be, and you’ve given me a confidence I lacked the first time around.    

But more than anything, you taught me that a heart is limitless in size, and that my love for you is the antidote to any fear that pops up.

So, it’s true. You didn’t make me a mother.

But you sure made me a better one.


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