I want all you mamas out there to understand the underlying message here. Had I not done some further digging and sought this opportunity out, I would have never known about it and my daughter would have missed out. No one is going to make sure that you know about ALL of the amazing resources, therapies, and opportunities for your child EXCEPT you. If you want more for your child, go and get it. If you hit a stumbling block go around it. If you don't get the answer you want, ask someone else. Use your connections, ask questions, and model resilience for your child. Show up, stand up, and be their voice.
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How many of you have had your kid say something to you at one point or another that completely crushed your soul? If you have I pray that it doesn't consume you. If you haven't I pray that you avoid hearing it.
There are few things in the world that hurt a parent more than hearing their child say “You need to be a better parent.” The words cut like a knife. The child you love so much and have sacrificed for in so many ways now thinks you suck as a parent. When Elliana said this to me it was a huge red flag that something was up because she is never intentionally unkind or hurtful.
In general, when a child is hurtful, they are seeking revenge for some perceived hurt feelings on their part. They have a problem they don’t know how to solve, whether they’re angry or stressed. Not being able to handle problems leads your child to feelings of discomfort—and pushing your buttons and getting a strong emotional reaction from you helps to make up for those feelings of discomfort.
A million thoughts were running through my head as to why my daughter said this to me. It then hit me. Sometimes, as adults, I think we forget how powerful our own energy is. With what’s been thrown at us the past few months, our vibrations individually & as a whole have been lowered. Globally, I’d say the vibration has shifted massively downward.
Panic. Fear. Distress. Confusion. Concern. Disinformation. Anger. Frustration. Restriction. These are all known as *LOW VIBRATING ENERGIES*. It’s everywhere we turn right now on a global level. Low vibrations create stress and anxiety and everyone that has been stuck in this house for the past 3 months is feeling it. Including my daughter. And little did I know that my energies were being picked up on even though I was doing my best to hide them.
Elliana has watched me "go to work" each day from 8-3. I am in the house but not available to her because I am working. As a 5-year-old she doesn't understand why Mommy can't play with her. I'm navigating teaching, emails, meetings, phone calls, Elyssa's therapies and all she sees is me "not here but there." I keep hearing the words "you are always working." In kid language, this means she misses me.
When I go into work it is different for her. She has her own schedule. She is at school interacting with her friends and teachers. She goes to dancing class and gymnastics. She sees her Poppy and Grandma at least once a week. Nothing about this has been easy for her and because children are so seemingly resilient I just went with the flow of the everyday. Even though we are doing our best to keep things "normal" around here she was well aware that it's far from our normal. No wonder her behavior was off!
So at that moment instead of being defensive and going into a tailspin of "all that I do" as a parent, I simply asked if she was feeling anxious about anything and if she wanted to talk. Her response let me know that I should've checked in sooner.
She let out a heartbroken cry and quietly said, "I'm afraid of the virus, I miss my friends and my family, and I miss going to the playground."
That’s when the floodgates opened for both of us.
I tried to say the right things like, "I know. This feels hard and unfair because it is." I hugged her and assured her that in time things will get better. We grabbed some ice cream for good measure and went on with our evening.
Watching my five-year-old process the loss of her first friends, school experience, teachers, family—is the most humbling moment I’ve had as her mother. I always knew she was capable of feeling deeply. Though, I had no idea she could verbally express it in the mature way she did.
As I put her to bed that night I couldn't help but smile thinking about what transpired. In shifting perspectives I came to these thoughts...missing all of the things that she described also means she has been very lucky. She has been the recipient of good love, from many people and places, and yes, my sweet girl, sometimes when you get that kind of gold, it’s incredibly hard to let it go.
That’s when the floodgates opened for both of us.
I tried to say the right things like, "I know. This feels hard and unfair because it is." I hugged her and assured her that in time things will get better. We grabbed some ice cream for good measure and went on with our evening.
Watching my five-year-old process the loss of her first friends, school experience, teachers, family—is the most humbling moment I’ve had as her mother. I always knew she was capable of feeling deeply. Though, I had no idea she could verbally express it in the mature way she did.
As I put her to bed that night I couldn't help but smile thinking about what transpired. In shifting perspectives I came to these thoughts...missing all of the things that she described also means she has been very lucky. She has been the recipient of good love, from many people and places, and yes, my sweet girl, sometimes when you get that kind of gold, it’s incredibly hard to let it go.
Be here, Be you, BELONG. I love those words by Brene Brown. Top educators teach with heart. Content aside- a student will perform for you if you let them see your heart. I know this because I lived it. Ms. Barber. The ONLY teacher I would have done anything not to disappoint. And this didn't come into play until high school. Imagine all those years of education lost feeling disconnected from school?
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So let's first make no mistake. I was a pain in the ass in school. I'm not proud of this but it is key to my story. My apologies go out to each and every teacher I had. Yes, I was the kid that you were warned about. You know, the one that when your list of students comes out everyone says "OHH, you'll earn your paycheck with that one." From about 4th grade on, I had no interest in anything but the social aspect of school. Ancient civilizations were not on my priority list of things to know.
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You are probably thinking to yourself "what was going on in her life that caused those behaviors? "What was she lacking at home?" Truth is, nothing at all. I had parents who were involved. I had access to materials, sports, extra help, etc. I had a large group of friends; and average ability. Yet...I wasn't connected. I own that.
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So, what was it about Ms. Barber that had me eating out of the palm of her hand? Was she really young and cool? Did she let me get away with things? Did she let us have "fun Fridays?" No, no and nope.
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Never underestimate the power of these two words...time and trust. There is a certain energy to it; an equation. See Ms. Barber showed up with her whole heart. She gave me her time; something that you can't put a price on. She brought tough conversations into ordinary moments and let it be known that being vulnerable was actually showing strength..
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Want to know where I ended up because of Ms. Barber? Watch the video down below. And if you see Ms. Barber, tell her I said "thank you."
