You are your home; take care of yourself.
Who else is protecting the energy of their home right now more than ever? Once this is all over, let’s promise to continue social distancing from the toxic people and situations that drain our energy, okay? Let’s unfollow or mute accounts of people constantly debating, talking negatively about others, and encouraging division. ✌🏼
If you are feeling the negativity and it is draining you take a look at this...
SELF-AWARENESS TEACHING TIP: Over-responsible people do too much for others and try to solve other people’s problems. The self-responsible person takes responsibility for their own emotional life without blaming others and comfortably carries the responsibilities associated with life.
Women often fall into the role of being over-responsible, although it is not at all uncommon to find men who also carry this role. The line between genuine caring of others and over-responsibility becomes blurred and confused for over-responsible people and they will argue that they have no choice but to care for others. They tend to be unaware that this has become a reflex rather than a choice.
So look at yourself. Are you worn out from looking after people? Do you never feel you have done enough? Do you feel that if you did not carry the burden of responsibility then your world, or the world of those you care for, would collapse? If these are true for you then take a look in the mirror and think about how you take care of yourself. Maybe it is time for a change.
You have the right to say “no” without further explanation. Another way to think about this is by talking about VICTIM MENTALITY in general. According to Merriam Webster, victim mentality is “: the belief that one is always a victim: the idea that bad things will always happen to one.”
If you have anyone in your life who’s always a victim, you know how DRAINING it can be. It feels like they just suck the energy out of the room and out of conversations.
Setting boundaries with people who cannot see beyond their own suffering and victimization is extremely important.
Set the boundary now, before getting dragged down any further ❤️❤️.
Your mental health is absolutely worth it.
Wishing you well,
Dear “Typically-abled” Child of Mine,
When I first received your sister’s diagnosis, one of the first coherent thoughts I had was, “How will Elliana handle this?” “Will Elliana feel burdened by the role she fell into?” “What if I am so overwhelmed with Elyssa’s special needs that it seems to you that I forgot about your needs?” I couldn’t get passed the lack of control I felt about how all of this change was going to shape you. I wrongly exited the present and started living in your futures. In the world of unknowns and anxiety. “What if someone made fun of you for having a sister who was differently-abled?” All I could think about was how this wasn’t going to be fair to you, how you didn’t sign up for this, and how you were going to feel slighted. You see, at that point in our journey, I didn’t understand the complex world of differently-abled. In fact, I am still working to understand its many nuances.
Fast forward a bit to our family trip to Boston. A trip I planned with both you and your sister in mind. My heart couldn’t be fuller right now as I close my eyes and think of all the good that took place on this trip. There was so much happiness shared. Everything was centered around our two perfect girls, our family. I don’t even think you were aware but I watched you at the park with your sister and it taught me a lesson. Yes, even as an adult you learn lessons. Anyway, Elyssa was playing in the splash park for the first time and she was going up to others with a smile and attempted hug LOL. You picked up on the fact that during a Pandemic some of the other children maybe didn’t want to be touched or you just wanted to let her know you were there so I watched you go over and very subtly grab her hand and bring her to another sprinkler a few feet away. You have this unique read on things for your age and such innate protection for Elyssa- always have.
It was at this moment that I realized what I initially failed to think about with Elyssa’s diagnosis. It’s called the flip side. And the flip side usually requires you to surrender your fear and follow your faith. My focus should have been on how wonderful her diagnosis could be in your world. How having a sister with special needs can help strengthen your already amazing character traits and instill strong core values in your life. For example, when you see your sister working hard to accomplish something that comes so naturally to you, I pray you learn humility. When you are tempted to judge someone based on anything other than the kindness of their heart, I pray you learn to not judge a book by its cover. When you see Elyssa’s concern for someone she barely even knows, I pray you learn how important compassion is. When Elyssa greets you with a smile from ear to ear because she loves you more than you can imagine, I pray you do the same with her. Because of your sister, I hope you can by-pass some of the shallowness that comes with youth and in turn teach others who haven’t been as fortunate as you about these crucial life lessons.
Things won’t always be fair. There will be times when I am seemingly too concentrated on the “inns and outs” of being a special needs mom, but I will try my best to always settle the score. My love for you burns just the same and runs deeper than the ocean. You have the secret to life right in front of you: Life isn’t all about you and when you make your life about others, you get so much more in return. I learned that one from Poppy. I hope you teach each other to love, to love all people, and to love them well. You two are gems and I can’t believe I get to call you both mine.
I want all you mamas out there to understand the underlying message here. Had I not done some further digging and sought this opportunity out, I would have never known about it and my daughter would have missed out. No one is going to make sure that you know about ALL of the amazing resources, therapies, and opportunities for your child EXCEPT you. If you want more for your child, go and get it. If you hit a stumbling block go around it. If you don't get the answer you want, ask someone else. Use your connections, ask questions, and model resilience for your child. Show up, stand up, and be their voice.Read more...